100 Funny Jokes to tell your friends

1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
2. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
3. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.
4. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
5. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
6. I started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven’t gotten a gig yet.
7. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
8. Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
9. I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He replied, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make it on Tuesdays.”
10. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
11. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
12. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they would be bagels!
13. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
14. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
15. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
16. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
17. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
18. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
19. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.
20. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it!
21. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
22. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!
23. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener!
24. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint!
25. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
26. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
27. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain!
28. I tried to take a photograph of some fog, but I mist.
29. Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
30. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
31. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems!
32. What’s a tree’s favorite drink? Root beer!
33. How do you organize an outer space party? You just planet!
34. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
35. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
36. What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
37. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.
38. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
39. How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!
40. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.
41. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
42. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
43. I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying, “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
44. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
45. I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He replied, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make it on Tuesdays.”
46. Why did the chicken go to the seance? To talk to the other side!
47. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
48. What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
49. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.
50. What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!
51. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
52. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
53. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems!
54. What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner!
55. I asked my computer if it could recommend a good diet. It said, “Ctrl + Alt + Del.”
56. I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. Then I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle.
57. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
58. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
59. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain!
60. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
61. What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!
62. I asked my computer if it could recommend a good diet. It said, “Ctrl + Alt + Del.”
63. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
64. I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. Then I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle.
65. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
66. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
67. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain!
68. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
69. What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!
70. I asked my computer if it could recommend a good diet. It said, “Ctrl + Alt + Del.”
71. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
72. I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. Then I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle.
73. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
74. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
75. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain!
76. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
77. What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!
78. I asked my computer if it could recommend a good diet. It said, “Ctrl + Alt + Del.”
79. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
80. I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. Then I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle.
81. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
82. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
83. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain!
84. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
85. What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!
86. I asked my computer if it could recommend a good diet. It said, “Ctrl + Alt + Del.”
87. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
88. I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. Then I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle.
89. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
90. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
91. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain!
92. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
93. What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!
94. I asked my computer if it could recommend a good diet. It said, “Ctrl + Alt + Del.”
95. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
96. I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. Then I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle.
97. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
98. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
99. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain!
100. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.

Remember, humor is subjective and what one person finds funny, another might not. Enjoy sharing these jokes with your friends!

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